A Reframe

On my birthday I was over at "It starts with" and I was touched by Sarah Peck's post.
She speaks about just Showing up.  Just show up.    I think I can do that.

And then I read further down and she was quotes a line from the Everest Blog: If You're Told no, Do it Anyway.  "There are a hundred ways to not be happy"  Which got me thinking.

I am really good at not being happy.  Really good.  I think I fake happiness pretty well.  
I then got his idea.  Why don't I write a  list of all the things I do well at not being happy.  Then I can check them off my list as done!  Check!  Did that!  Now when I do those actions I find myself saying, I already did this, checked it off my list, time to do something else!  

Here is my list:  All the Things I've Done to Master My Unhappiness 

- Eat too much sugar
- Eat when other emotions are up and want to be expressed
- Compare myself to others
- Fear that others and family members will try to make me feel "less than"  
- Make myself feel "less than" by thinking what people might say
- Waste time watching boring tv
- Wasting time surfing the web when there are other things to get done
- Letting my plants go unwatered
- Complain about having to work
- Letting obligations go beyond their deadlines
- Sleeping too much
- Staying up late and past the time I want to go to sleep
- Going unshowered for a day
- Faked happiness
- Letting the actions of others, that I have no control over, get me down
- "Why can't they just get how it's supposed to go..."
- Letting my creativity sit "over there" untouched
- Putting off exercise
- Being afraid I'll offend others if my light shines "too" bright
- Using other's bad moods to influence my mood
- Letting indecision stop me
- Sitting around feeling bad about the things I should be doing
- Going off the transformation.com plan that I know works when I do it!
- Stopping myself from having quality time with myself
- Being afraid of quiet time
- Being fearful of the outcome
- Fear of failure
- Rolling my eyes when practicing gratitude
- Forgetting to put Disco on when I'm in these moods.  (turns me right around!)
- Letting momentary relief out weigh the joy that is beyond the discomfort

DONE!  CHECK!  MASTERED THAT!
And can it be, what is that I feel, a sensation of giddy-ness?  Some lightness in my heart?  A smile on my face?  
Oh I could be onto something!

Everything

Where the grief has brought me, is to a place of frozenness.
I"m not sure where to go, what to do, who I am
I can't quite move forward.
Those to-do lists just don't seem as important.
Goals?  What for?  

Though yesterday I took a walk and I heard for the first time, Everything is Alright.

Everything is Alright.

My mind seems to have it, but my body isn't quite convinced yet, I could feel buzzing in the background.

And it is true.  Everything is Alright.

Work is kinda slow yet Everything is Alright.

It's my birthday and my husband has the flu....yet Everything is Alright.

I have some great ideas that I can't seem to get going on, yet Everything is Alright.

So I guess I'll sit with this.
This....

Everything is Alright

And see what it brings.