Ease from my Conditioning

A few months ago I came up with an important question for myself:

"Who would I be if not defined by my conditioning?" A question I often ponder.

Last night I got a good view of the answer.

Yesterday was the 50th birthday of a friend I've known for over 42 years.  He's like my big brother.  He was my first crush.  He's my friend.
Also in attendance was his brother, mother, wife, their son, a few family friends and his best friend that I also grew up with and just love.

When I'm around them I feel like I can be myself.  There is no judgement.  Either from them or from myself.  I did have quick thoughts of "do I look ok" etc. but they passed quickly.  I don't have to fix myself or them.

Hugs, smiles, laughter, Pie!, music and singing.    Singing in public.  That's a biggie for me.  Due to my well intentioned conditioning, I can get very judgmental of my singing and others singing.

It wasn't there.  We were just singing.  James taylor, America, The eagles.  Songs of our life.    
I felt at ease.  Comfortable.  Grounded.  I didn't want to leave.

I slept well and woke up thinking of other places I feel this.  With my husband, with my good friend from high school, whom I don't see near enough, and with my spiritual teacher.
I'm sitting with the ease in my system.  This feeling must be becoming more prevalent as I heard some family distress this morning and it didn't take long for my system to come back down.

This is progress.

So I ask you, who would you be if not defined by your conditioning?